About Current Layout:

Version: 10.0
Featuring: Souma Kyou
From: Fruits Basket
By: Takaya Natsuki
Why: Give Kyou some love! Furuba pwns me.
Why: 'Disorderly Coconuts'
Misc: I've discovered the fun of embedding subliminal messages the text. Can you find them?

Tag Board


URL or Email:


About Me:

Alias: Usa-p
Age: 24
DOB: May 8
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Sign: Taurus; Monkey
Homepage: Viola Tricolor
Anime/Manga Collection: List
Scans: Suspicious Acorns
UM: Magically Delicious
Email: MacsBrains@aol.com
AIM: MacsBrains
Keirsey Personality: INFJ
Keirsey Temperment: Idealist
Portrait: Pic from Dec 2001
Partner: Pic from May 2002


Books: The Last April Dancers; Harry Potter series; His Dark Materials series; Dune series; Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series
Authors: Ursula K. LeGuin; Jean Thesman
Manga: Fruits Basket; Clover; Card Captor Sakura; Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne; Yami no Matsuei; Tokyo Babylon/X; Naruto
Anime: Fruits Basket; Princess Tutu; GetBackers; Trigun; Card Captor Sakura; Yami no Matsuei; Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou; Naruto
Mangaka: Tachibana Kaimu; CLAMP; Kouga Yun; Tanemura Arina; Yoshizumi Wataru
Mangazine: Ribon & occasionally Hana to Yume
Video Games: Lunar: SSS; FF IV + VI; Rhapsody; Zeldas
Board Games: Settlers of Catan
Fic Authors: See below

Favorite Fanfics:

Bluebird by Canis M.
Irresistible Poison by Rhysenn
DD/DS/DV series by Cassandra Claire
Shadows of the Moon by Leareth

Current Obsessions:

All things Furuba
All things Full Metal Alchemist
Harry Potter Slash
Shounen ai/Yaoi/BL
Ban x Ginji
Ribon Mangazine

Would Sell Soul For

A Gourry as Jellyfish plushie
Those Furuba figurines!
Any Furuba figurines!
Full Metal Alchemist figurines
An FMA National Alchemist pocket thing
Plushies of Tare!Ginji and Chibi!Ban-chan
Any clue as to what the Flip is going on in Full Moon
Tachibana Kaimu doujinshi
Toshimi Arina doujinshi
Artbooks, especially of the CLAMP persuasion
A pile

I Frequent:

Friendly Hostility
Moon Phase
KoDT Online

Big Attractions:

Nimbus 2003
Random Fandom.org
Official Ribon Page

Blog Reading:

LJ Friends list
Castle in the Wind
Le Petit Livre Noir
Wingless Angels
A Fine and Private Place
Killing Me Softly
Access Aelice
Passing Fancies
Open Up Your Mind
Star Scream
dust from a distant sun
Bookslut Blog
Ordinarily Whimsical


02/01 | 11/01
01/02 | 02/02 | 03/02 | 04/02
05/02 | 06/02 | 07/02 | 08/02
09/02 | 10/02 | 11/02 | 12/02
01/03 | 02/03 | 03/03 | 04/03
05/03 | 06/03 | 07/03 | 08/03
09/03 | 10/03 | 11/03 | 12/03
01/04 | 02/04 | 03/04 | 04/04
05/04 | 06/04 | 07/04 | 08/04
09/04 | 10/04 | 11/04 | 12/04
01/05 | 02/05 | 03/05 | 04/05


Doesn't Sei-chan look all evil and suave?
The original sadistic fondler of young bishounen uke boys. 
Fuuma has that title now Hehe... his trenchcoat is blowing...
Subaru-kun should be blowing other things... *cough* Stop waving that sword around, Kamui, 
or someone's going to lose an eye... This is a blob. 
He is googly, squishy, and cute.
He is also useless and green.
It's not easy being green.

Bay Ridge R line
Commenting by
Globe of Blogs
Blog subscriptions with Bloglet
Spread the Love: SukiSho
The Menthol CondomClique! XDMenthol Condom Clique
< ? CLAMP Logs # >
If I were a video game character I would be Kong.
"Strong and passionate,
I tend to be misunderstood,
sometimes even feared.
I don't want to fight,
I don't want to cause trouble,
all I ask is a little love,
and a little peace.
If I don't get what I want,
I get angry,
and throw barrels
and flaming oil
at whatever's stopping me."
What Video Game
Character Are You?

Be notified of updates!

Since 03-20-00







June 28, 2002

Blogger on crack! Bad Blogger.

Irresistible Poison 13 Interlude!!!! That has many exclamation points! ::explodes::

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 12:01 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 25, 2002

I just added a useless green blob to my sidebar. I think I may name him Kermit. I haven't decided.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 05:22 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


Currently there is an incredibly interesting discussion on the slashy pro novels mailing list about books that are set in real places and how that affects the story for readers who are familiar with those settings. It isn't so much the city itself [such as NYC or LA] whose protrayal is often just as fictional as any make-believe city, but the elements that specifically define the city; streets or buildings that would be familiar only to those who live there.

Overall, I tend like it very much when I read a book that is set where I live as long as it is not overly-romanticized (unless, of course, the character describing the place is the type to overly-romanticize things). I feel closer to the characters that way. A good example is The Catcher in the Rye. I don't live in Manhattan, but I am familiar with areas that are detailed in the book. There is a scene where the main character thinks back to when he was a grade schooler and his class went to the American Museum of Natural History, which is a place I know every nook and cranny of. He describes a small diorama in one of the rooms that caught the eye of himself and his classmates. The first time I read it, (I must have been 11), I immediately knew exactly which diorama he was talking about (and it's not a big one). I remembered all the times I'd seen the same display, and had similar thoughts and feelings. I could follow his path through the museum in my head with perfect visual accuracy. The places the character went, I've been there. I've been the student learning about the Egyptian mummies at the museum. I've been ice-skating at the rink at Rockefeller Center. I've been the little girl riding the carousel at Central Park. The little things that I can't imagine how they would look or feel from a non-native point of view. The story becomes tinted, for better or worse, by extra layer of highly personal perceptions.

There was a slashy pro novel I read a back in high school that I found on the bargain racks at The Strand. It was set in the Village during the mid-eighties (title was, aptly, Eighty-sixed) and was a pretty good everyday life novel about a gay guy who lived there and had to deal with the AIDS epidemic of the eighties. (I didn't even know it was slashy when I bought it because it had no dust jacket. I saw it was set in NY by some of the title headings.) Now, in 1986 I was 6 years old, and so I couldn't know first hand about the area at that time, but I know the present day version. I recognize streets and intersections, even if they're not as clear as the locations in The Catcher in the Rye. I still felt a strange kind of nostalgia because I'd heard of the things that used to be there. I liked it to begin with, but I think I liked it more because of that.

I think this applies to any media, not just books. I had just been to Normandy, France about a month before I saw Saving Private Ryan. I had just walked on the shore, across the bombed landscape, and through the fields of tombstones as the rain silently fell.

I even reacted to the diner highlighted in the Spiderman movie off Canal and 6th Ave.

Poor writing and exaggerated descriptions aside, I think that some people find it uncomfortable because it hits so close to home emotionally. It can be uncomfortable if the descriptions match too well with your own personal experiences, and it can be jarring if they don't feel like they match up well when they should. It's hard to read for escape if the character is said to live down the street from you. If you don't get emotional about your reading, and/or can easily seperate yourself from the story, then I don't think something like this would matter very much. Or perhaps I'm just too sentimental.

Disorder my coconuts and tell me what you think.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 01:22 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 23, 2002

These costumes are so tacky they're practically cute. I love pansies.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 22:47 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


Just came back from second performance. Yesterday I did great. I did accidentally kick the girl next to me while doing a turn-jete, but I can't see behind me so that's not entirely my fault. ^_^ I rather thought it was funny. Yesterday almost everyone who was going to see the show cancelled on me. After a lot of phone calls and ticket swapping, I got different people to come, only to have those people cancel on me too five minutes before curtain. Bleh. But I did well and one of the long-time adult dancers stopped me today to compliment me on my stage presence yesterday, which is always nice to hear from strangers because they're not just saying so.

Today, however, my friend and fellow dancer never showed up. I was supposed to pick her up on the way and she wasn't there. I called her constantly and I had my cell phone too. I still don't know why she didn't come, not that it matters because I'm going to kill her anyway. I couldn't relax because she had a responsibility to be there, and by default I'm responsible for her. The girl next to her didn't show up either so one side of the stage was missing. There was only one girl left in that section so I offered to do their part, since I was already near that area of the stage, but I was instructed to stick with my own. One of the smaller girls crowded me too close to the curtain and I ended up whacking her when I did one of my turns. Can't say I feel bad about it. My tap dance was difficult because I have to really concentrate not slip and slide everywhere especially with my bad ankles. So Dad was sitting in the front row right in front of me and BLINDED me with a big blue-white flash from his camera. I, of course, lost my footing and messed up my steps. After I got offstage, I crawled down the auditorium to tell him off and threaten bodily harm if he did it again. NO FLASHES WHEN PEOPLE ARE PERFORMING! JEEZ!

Hmpf. So I'm irritated. I love to dance, and I did have fun, but narg I'm irritated.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 20:51 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


Oh dear Flip, I just saw the picture of Subaru posted here and I think I have died. I don't know what I feel... I don't know if I feel... Pretty as always, and looking suave but... Subaru shouldn't look suave... He's got two eyes. I'm afraid. I'm very afraid. My heart has stopped.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 14:35 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 22, 2002

I should probably get to bed so I can wake up in time for my dance recital tonight. I should, shouldn't I. I am excited, really. It's just that after almost everyone you know cancels on you it puts a bit of a damper on the enthusiasm. I am a ham at heart though, so I don't think my performance will suffer. Show me the love now. Don't be shy.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 06:23 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 21, 2002

I just added nifty new commenting stuffs. Go on and disorder my coconuts.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 18:12 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


Ugh. Life. I don't understand. Do you understand? If so, please enlighten me.

I have way too much time on my handsTo distract myself from life I redesigned my manga database and now (finally) version 5.0 is complete (with pictures!). This has been a pet project of mine for a long time and I'm always tweaking it. It's an example of my playing around with a program without any prior knowledge of how to use it. I've uploaded a small sample version of it in case anyone wants to use it for themselves. It contains only 12 records instead of my full one which has all 516 of my manga volumes.

I'm off to go sleep now because it's 10:30 a.m. and I have to be up by 5 p.m. this evening. Reversed sleep schedules can be a pain.

[N.B. This is a Microsoft Access database file. I use Access XP. All of the features may or may not work in 97 or 2000. If you encounter problems let me know so I can note them.]

[N.B. (10.16.02) Version 5.0 has been removed to make way for the new version 6.0.]

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 10:31 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 18, 2002

I hate doctors. I don't have any problems with competent doctors; it's the rest that irritate me. Guess which I have more experience with. For many years now, there have been countless problems with my immunization records because somehow waaay back the originals ended up in my grandmother's purse. In the meantime, while they were still mysteriously lost, they wrote me up some new records and I had all my stupid shots over again. Years later the old records were found again, and they kept getting mixed up with the newer records, and every time I changed schools [to junior high then to high school etc] they kept making me go get revaccinated. To this day they still say I don't have all my shots. I have had more shots than some entire third world countries. I can think of two distinct times in the past 4 years that I've gotten shots [both required and not] that do not show up on my records. So I finally got some blood work done to prove that I am ungodly immune once and for all and maybe, just maybe, they'll manage to keep this document in my file.

Ironically, I tested negative for chicken pox immunity, even though I have never managed to catch it. Not for lack of trying either. Several times people have come down with it while I was living with them. It also appears that I am amazingly healthy despite never eating my vegetables since the day I was born. I am living proof that it possible to live on pizza. To quote a friend of mine, "I don't know how you're still alive!"

*Camera says 1.1.94. Love how cameras don't keep time.*My Dad got some of the pictures developed from the little get together he and his ladyfriend had for my birthday last month. That's Steve and I. We look very... alike, in an eerie sort of way. Very few pictures of the two of us exist despite having been together for almost six years, and of those few, I think I only know where two of them are. We're not very photogenic.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 23:22 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


It has been a while since I pimped this out: Knights of the Dinner Table Online

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 02:58 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 16, 2002

I don't know what crack I was on that I never listed Clover and Yami no Matsuei under favorite anime & manga on my sidebar. This has been rectified.

I await my Ribon and Asuka which will probably be in next week following my dance recital. Last month I was able to pretty much understand all of Aishiteru ze Baby and Ultra Maniac while barely checking the dictionary. It made for a happy me, who has been slowly learning by osmosis.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 08:07 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 15, 2002

Upon completion of DV 8: O_O! @_@! X_X!
::violently and messily melts into a gooey and volatile puddle of Flip knows what::

The mailing list is going to have a FIELD DAY with this chapter. Flip knows I am. I may actually post a full review and note with particular emphasis how the author is an evil evil evil evil evil woman who mercilessly teases her readers, then I will tell her she is a goddess who is darling for working in so many things that only her obsessive fans would truly appreciate.

If you haven't read it, do so.

Actually, I don't read a whole lot of fanfic but when I do I tend to have good luck in randomly stumbling upon the good ones. It's only when I purposely go looking for fic that I come across the painful stuff.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 03:11 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


Oh... my... Flip! I have not finished reading DV 8 but that scene I just read was about the slashiest thing I have ever seen in this series so far... I have not read another word yet for I fear that it is just a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE TEASE!! I must savor this for a while before my hopes are mercilessly crushed.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 00:40 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 14, 2002

Draco Veritas Chapter 8 has been released. All hail the mighty fanfic goddesses. I must read now. ::dashes off::

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 23:33 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 12, 2002

Because you all care: my dance pictures. I don't have the dancers body of my youth, but ah well. Old age will do that to you. The brightness/contrast really needs to be tweaked. Bleh.
The older one on the left This is my favorite I love this costume Yes, I'm in pain. [was in that position for a long time on a bruised knee] This costume looks better in person

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 23:21 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 11, 2002

I am so grateful that when it came down to it that my mother was completely understanding and helpful. I didn't think it would be that way, and for a while there it wasn't. Some things, I guess, can be fixed.

I finally got my hands on Fruits Basket episode 10, and with Chrissy getting episode 21 for me I'll be all set. That's some quality stuff going on there.

I like Hanajima x Tooru. They and their relationship remind me a little of myself and a taisetsu na hito. It's a good if not sorrowful and nostalgic feeling.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 12:11 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


::jumps for joy:: News flash! Draco Veritas chapter 8 is almost out... I am such a fangirl. The mere fact that it's about to be released makes me giggle and squeal in fangirlish anticipation.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 00:31 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 10, 2002

I've only seen one episode of Cowboy Bebop, but the jazz lover in me is reeling from getting my hands on the music. There's a track called 'Digging My Potato'! That's cracked; I love it.

Mrowr! Random manga boy.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 17:01 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 9, 2002

Steve's been playing Magic: The Gathering Online. (I'll dig up the link later.) The program is REALLY nice. It sorts your cards everyway to Sunday and it's simple and pretty. They're in the testing phase now so you can play without paying. When I think of the work it took to code that program so it can handle the Magic cards with all the cards' individual specifications, it makes my brain short-circuit. We think they did an excellent job.

I played M:tG every once in a while. I just am not very good at games like that. I'm much too defensive and I'm easily out-strategized. I think a certain way, and those who know me well can adapt for that. I once played Battleship with my best friend; the one and only time. I tried to be really tricky and creative with my boat placement. When the game started I think she missed a total of two times. She slaughtered me. I must hold the record for fastest death at Battleship. She said that the placement just seemed like something I'd do. Something I had just spent a long time thinking about and calculating 'just seemed like something I'd do'. I was so peeved! During the rematch I tried to think out of my own box and do something I wouldn't normally do... which she figured was exactly what I would do and slaughtered me again. Haven't played it since. ^_^ (I'm not usually such a sore loser, but it really peeved me)

Steve thinks that the main problem with M:tG (which he otherwise likes) is that besides being insanely expensive, there's just too much. This hasn't stopped him from playing continuously since he installed the program.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 05:34 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


I had dress rehearsal for my dance recital today. Hammy little me enjoyed every minute of it. It's very strange: under regular everyday circumstances I dislike groups of people (large or small) especially when they turn their attention towards me, however put me on a stage and I love it. I love to perform. Even messing up on stage won't faze me, in fact, I'd have to keep from laughing at myself.

Before my tap number I asked one of my dance friends, "They said the stage is slippery. I've already landed on my butt on the buffed tiles in the hallway; if I slip and fall and make a spectacle of myself, will you laugh?"
She said, with concern, "No, I wouldn't."
I said, "Aww, come on, you have to! I expect finger-pointing and loud guffaws."
She looked at me like I was from another planet.

This time I did not fall. I haven't fallen on stage during a show, but there was that time I accidentally leapt off the stage during rehearsal. It was classic and also hysterically funny. During actual performances I've tripped over feet, gotten tangled in lights, knocked my own glasses off, forgotten dance steps, had my toe shoes slip off my heels, and all sorts of other really stupid things people only hear about. They're my precious memories ^_^.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 05:16 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 8, 2002

I think I'm the only one who LIKED the performance of the dude who played Anakin in Episode 2. Sure he's arrogant, irritating, and really needs to be smacked [what's-her-face really needs to be smacked too, and double for not smacking Anakin herself], but isn't he SUPPOSED to be an arrogant, irritating, needs-to-be-smacked teenager? When he delivered his god-awful dialogue, he did it in a way so he sounded, to me at least, like he actually meant it. Will have to see it again and watch more closely. At least Steve agrees with me for now.

Speaking of Steve, this is an example of my blatant abuse of this blog as a reminder/to-do list - 1. for dinner get Steve a pepperoni n meatball pizza.

And why does nobody realize that the force is strong with Palpatine? To be Mr. Bad Sith you've got to be pretty, pardon the pun, forceful. A particular little green dude needs to utilize his magic kung foo Yoda voodoo. Figure it out, he will. Of course, it seems that on the whole the Jedi don't seem to be too bright, at least where common sense is concerned. Obi-wan, anyone?

Ok, that's enough Star Wars on my blog. I'm not even that big of a fan. The movies freaked me out as a child and I'm still afraid of Ewoks. They pretend to be all cuddly fuzzy, but then they turn around and are scary looking. And C-3PO was traumatizing to a young child such as myself who already had an innate fear of not-quite humanoid looking things.

Let's list characters that traumatized me as a child to the point where I am still wary of ever watching them again: Curious George, E.T., Johnny 5, Ewoks, C-3PO, gremlins, non-animal muppets especially Guy Smiley, that thing from the Neverending story... I don't even remember what it was or what it looked like, just the feeling of anxiety that accompanied it. The list is longer, but we'll leave it here for now.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 12:17 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 7, 2002

Is it just me? Sometimes I have to fight really hard to resist the urge to color in my manga volumes. I try to get around it by doing it in photoshop, but it's a lot of work and it doesn't have the same effect as breaking out the colored pencils and doing it by hand. I think the only thing that stops me is that I'm one of those anal-retentive people who doesn't write in books and doesn't bend a book when they read it.

But right now I want to color and my bookshelves are laughing at me. I think it's time for the good ol' printer to make itself useful.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 03:17 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


Blergh. It'd been a while since there'd been any significant flippidge going on here. I have no idea what I've been doing the past couple hours. Blergh. Wait, I already blerghed at the beginning of this post. Ah well. Blergh.

Shoujocon is very soon. (Well, not very.) The anticipation is like an incessant itch that tingles in a hard to reach place. It seems like a lot of people are heading over there this year. Last year I met up with some people from a mailing list and we had a blast. It was a wonderful friendly welcome for a first time con-goer such as myself. I will also avoid the mistakes I made last year, such as choosing the 2nd Card Captor Sakura movie over Yami no Matsuei! (Oh, ignorance, you evil evil thing!) And I will nap at least once a day so I do not lose all motor and cognitive function by the time the all-night shounen-ai love-in comes to a close.

All that needs to be done now is move Yaoi-con to the east coast ^_^.

My counter is on crack. That irritates me. The new replacement counter doesn't match. That irritates me too. Grr.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 00:24 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 5, 2002

The youngins upstairs brought down their baby kitten. All the forces of cute and adorable joined together to create that darling little fuzzball. Sweet thing fell asleep in the crook of my elbow and snoozed there until my legs got numb. I miss having furry felines of my very own.

I love this layout. It's been up for months, but I don't have the heart to change it.

It seems that the price on my head has dropped at bit. Temporarily at least. It's the best I can hope for.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 20:08 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 4, 2002

Ooh ooh! The Furuba Project has finished scanslating chapter 28 so go there for Fruits Basket manga goodness!

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 23:55 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


::in a maniacal singsong voice:: ~~Oh, there's a bounty on my head, a bounty, a bounty. Track me down and flay me, flay me, flay me. Hang my hide as a warning, warning, warning.~~

While hiding out in exile I watched some random anime episodes. They're just not as enjoyable under these fugitive circumstances. Chobits and Full Moon both need some plot soon, but I'm sticking with them because the manga are starting to pick up.

Who invited the scary giant mutant spider woman in Saiyuki episode 2? Are there any more giant mutant spider people in Saiyuki? If so, I'd like to know now because this is getting to be too much. First there was the giant mutant spider in Genjuu Bunsho, then the last time I was at Book Off I randomly pulled something off the shoujo shelf only to open it up face to face with a giant mutant spider. What IS it with the dominance of giant mutant spiders everywhere I turn?! ::furiously sprays this blog with Bug-B-Gone::

Furuba episode 10 and the second half of Yami no Matusei continue to have no problems escaping my grasp. At least they are both giant mutant spider free.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 15:25 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 3, 2002

Somebody tell me: when does the child stop paying for the sins of the father? I, as always, regret ever giving any of my family members any way to contact me once I moved out. And of course, if they can't get to me they go after my boyfriend instead. I'm surprised no one is tracking down my other friends, though I probably shouldn't say such things lest I jinx it.

I have since turned off my cell phone, but once the headhunt is on there's no escape.

I sometimes think I should seriously consider changing my name and moving to Zaire.

I'm not a little bitter. I'm a lot bitter.

I need to vent, but there's no sense in exposing others to the irrational ire and insanity that is embodied by my family. That said, I'm doing it anyway. They always have this need to incite riot. I have no idea how I ever managed to be an idealist with decent self-esteem after all this. I think that's what keeps me sane. Relatively, at the very least. Though it can't be very sane to completely deflate and crawl into yourself if someone shows the slightest bit of anger or disappointment toward you.

Despite the way I've written this, my stomach is churning and I want to burst into tears. All this time Steve has been not-always-patiently been weaning me away from my nervous habits of jumping at the sounds of ringing phones, opening doors, and other such sounds that could suggest that someone was coming to yell at me; all of that effort undone in the span of a minute. I am frightened out of my mind that the phone is going to ring or someone is going to bang on the door... there's no way I will sleep well this week. I suppose I will never get away from this without moving to Zaire.

Sometimes I really hate my life, and I hate that I feel that way because I want to think I shouldn't have to. This is one of those times.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 00:11 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |


June 2, 2002

Why Steve and his friends are cool:

Steve (to friend): My girlfriend just got The Cat in the Hat in Latin. What level of geek is that?
Friend: I dunno, that's pretty high. You might have to put her to sleep.

I, being me, found that highly endearing. Steve then proceded to read some verses aloud and thoroughly butcher them. He's such a cutie.

I see they have Winnie the Pooh in Latin too. Time to put this on the wish list.

Usa-p internally wept for Kyou at 14:26 | link |
Suspicious Acorns | Magically Delicious |